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All It Took Was a Pol

2/16/09

I was just asked a couple of days ago to express my feelings about love as it pertains to my future would-be partner. But what made it difficult to answer was the fact that the questioner was a girl I loved. And because of my hesitancy to answering her question, she took it to mean that I cannot possibly be in love with her. Talk about putting me on the spot.

Love is such a complex concept because we feel love for different people in different ways.

I love my mom because she's been there for me my whole life. I love how she's groomed me to be the kind of man that I am today. I love my dad because he's been really involved since my childhood. I love my brother because he's very warm hearted and generous

The question she asked was so specific so as to exclude family members, lol. So now let's talk about the girl. I fell in love with her because she's helped me discover myself. Helped me grow and improve as a person. Mold me. Friends are there for you to talk you through your problems but with them, you only share with them what you want to. You only let a part of your self known to these friends. But with Moheni, it is different, she has come to know every element of my life. Some parts she has had to discover on her own because they were things that even I never knew.

It was only a few months ago that we were just friends. She told me she loved me for a while. I delayed a response. It was never my intention to be mean, evil, or un-courteous as she has been known to refer to me. I just wanted my mom to meet her first! LOL.

To me... love is about self discovery. As I live through all of the cycles of life from adulthood to death, I want the one I love to be there with me every step of the way. I want to experience things I've never experienced before and push myself to limits that I've never pushed myself to because that is what life is about. Without MY LOVE, I would never be complete.

She asked if I'd fight for her in the past. I didn't respond. I have always felt that actions were more important than words. And I felt I answered her question this past week. We were going through a rough rocky patch over the past couple of months and things got really bad just a little bit over a week before Valentine's day. She told me she wanted to know where I stood and I had a week to respond. I immediately booked tickets to fly and see her and timed it so that I would see her in person the day of my deadline. To me, that answered both questions. Yes, I'd fight for her. I would not let a small, minor fight get in the way of our future. Get in the way of our love.

She was not completely convinced because she still had her insecurities because I was not saying the right things. Last night she brought up the subject again. First, she expressed her love to me and then started asking me questions, and then getting visibly irate when I was standing there like a dufus. It got to the point where I feared losing her. That feeling was so strong and scary. I could not lose her! I could no longer remain quiet because my future with her was at stake.

Once I spoke up, everything fell into place. All it took was a moment.

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